A Boy Named Sue

I know I can be annoying when it comes to certain idiosyncrasies and one of those is when someone refers to their sex or gender incorrectly.  Your sex is male or female and your gender is of a man or a woman.  Sometimes, some people do not have a meeting of the minds so-to-speak between their gender and their sex and that is how we end of with someone like Chaz Bono…are we following?

As puritanical as my mother might be she always instilled in me to have sympathy for those who have this issue of being trapped in a body that does not match how they feel in their mind.  They relate to the gender of a man but have the body of a female.  So I am open to dialogue about these issues and don’t think we should force gender stereotypes on people.  I do however believe that the vast majority of people relate to the "appropriate" gender for their sex and that is why extreme PC behavior in relation to this argument is not only annoying but nonsensical because it is only doing a disservice to those actually affected by the issue of gender identity.

Today I stumbled upon the story of two Canadian parents, who upon the birth of their third child, decided to withhold that baby’s sex (or as they go on to say, gender) from their family and friends to free him/her from the trappings of a restrictive society.  You can read the interview here:  http://www.parentcentral.ca/parent/babiespregnancy/babies/article/995112--parents-keep-child-s-gender-a-secret  Where to begin?

Firstly, this child is a blob of baby, not a man or a woman.  If you’re thinking that you are protecting him/her from the harsh realization that he is a male or she is a female, you’re wrong.  He/she is more concerned with food and sleep at this point.  Additionally, he/she isn’t even aware of what it has down below at this point because he/she can’t sit up and look down yet!  If anything I think you’re setting this poor bloboid up for disaster.  It is hard enough learning how to walk, talk, reach, crawl, and grow without your parents forcing ideology on your young spongy mind.  By not “making a choice for your child” you are making the choice to not divulge their sex THE issue du jour.

Sex/gender is center stage and critical to who we are.  Case in point when someone has gender reassignment surgery, it is soooo important to who we are as people that they are willing to go under the knife to be able to express who they truly are as a man or a woman.  Gender defines us politically, socially, our relationships, and even fashion!

When you don’t assign a label you make yourself lost in a sea of incorrect labels.  If they said here is our son, he enjoys wearing a dress to daycare. I’d be like, ok cool.  I don’t think clothes define me.  They can, they can be a great way to express myself and tell people, “hey this is me!” I mean that is why people wear what they wear and get tattoos and piercings and highlights.  I do not however think that they have to be all that I am.  Which also supports my argument for not wearing slutty clothes.  While expressing yourself as a woman is so important...make sure you're expressing yourself for who you are not what you are to someone else (although a whole other blog would be who you are is part of what you are to someone else).  You want people to see you, not just your ass.

What I wear isn’t going to change how I feel inside.  I would support the argument to let their kids wear a Batman costume or a dress regardless of his/her sex.  I might say, your kid may be mocked for not conforming and then well, we can deal with that then.  If the kid is still happy who really cares at the age of 6? At the age of 16 when your daughter wants to dress like a stripper Batman I might again point out what may be the much more damaging results and reactions of your get up.  I would hope just like a 4 year old's phase of only eating orange things, this would just be a short term way of stating, "this is me, I'm not you." I imagine that parenting is like a sleepless game of chess, where your next move can be anticipated by the opponent but there can still be a surprise winner.

I’m not going to fight someone who says they're happy in their skin, because at least they know who they are and are honest about it.  As opposed to living a life of lies that so many of our politicians, celebrities, and neighbors do.  Even these parents are lying about who they are.  They want to be open and limitless, but how about letting the kid decide how it wants the world to see him/her and not just continue the cycle of being who your parents wished they were.

Back to the point at hand,  regardless of what my kid is putting on his back to go to school at least he knows what bathroom to use when he gets there and what the proper words are for his body.  

“If you really want to get to know someone, you don’t ask what’s between their legs,” says Stocker.   Oh gosh. Ok well you know what.  I don’t typically ask babies what is in between their legs, nor do I ask adults.  However, there is not much to work with when you’re dealing with a  6-month old, so we stick to the basics, “hey  little girl, aren’t you adorable? Do you want to try some of your first solid foods?”

When you don’t properly equip your child for the outside world, you’re just raising a social invalid.   He/she won’t even know how to express themselves because they won’t be able to effectively use the tools our society has in place. Of course the kid will be bullied no matter what and some may argue my point earlier of allowing the child to wear a gender non-specific outfit as hypocrisy but at least the kid can change his clothes.  I would reiterate that the parent of the child who wants to wear something outside the box has a duty to make sure that kid knows what might come of it.  And they also need the courage to support their child if they want to make a nonconformist choice.  Next week they may be done with that and the new battle will be the child only wanting to be addressed as 'sir'. Most kids experiment with guidelines and rules before they are school age, so wearing a tutu as a boy isn't out of the norm.  Quite the opposite, you are realizing for the first time that you are autonomous and can make choices.  This is a critical place in development.  But again, it is that kid's choice to express themselves and make their stamp on the world in their light up velcro sneakers.  You're just there to make sure they have the tools to get through life alright and to pick them up when they fall, give them tough love and some food. Of course your morals and beliefs will rub off on them, I think I would just like to draw a line in the sand from where it changes from just influence to indoctrination.

A child that is a female and identifies with somewhat typical womanly attributes will be at a loss when she does not experience so many of the other things the average, western, female girl does.    My point is that you can argue until the cows come home about who is right and how to best raise a child but at the end of the day I think it is wrong to deny them knowledge of what they are, then let them figure out who they are.

I like to take support my ethical arguments with Johnny Cash songs so as the title of this blog suggests “I tell ya, life ain't easy for a boy named "Sue." The lyrics paint a picture of growing up with an added slight against you, one that your parents gave you, and I didn’t even touch on this kid in the article being named after an X-Men character.