I went to Chicago this past weekend for a bachelorette party. It was my first time in the city and I had a really good time. I would like to go back and spend more time there, sober. I did have a lucid moment while aboard the Seadog Extreme Thrill Ride. This 30-minute tremendous boat ride was a ton of fun and made me forget that I was in the landlocked Midwest. However, although for those 30-minutes I felt great, as soon as we hit dry land I felt gross again. Why? Because at 26 I cannot drink like I did at 19. I don’t know if is psycho somatic or what, but I feel aged.
I know I joke about being 30 and how terrified I am but really I thought it was more that I didn’t want to get “old” without having hit a few landmarks that I thought were a rite of passage. Now, I am starting to realize that there is something much more obvious to be terrified of, looking old.
I have used anti wrinkle night creams for a little over a year but really because they are the richest and I need a good night moisturizer in the winter. Now, the day after I drink, anything more than 2 drinks; I can see the difference in my skin. Because it is dry, the lines that were once fine are now much more visible. I have always been fearful of wrinkles because I have a “mature” face and while at 17 that was awesome, 10 years on, not so much. I don’t want people to confuse me for a woman 10 years my senior. I take no issue with having a vested interest in physical beauty and I can’t stop myself from an ever growing fascination with how I look.
I’m not supposed to admit that I have to work to look good. Admitting that I do not roll out of bed with lip gloss on and shiny hair would mean that women are normal and those glossy Revlon ads that promote a “natural” look are in fact lies. Women perpetuate this though so it is not just the media or men or historical restrictions. We want people (men and women) to think we are ageless, glowing, radiant creatures who at the same time do not take any real interest in their looks. If we admit that we spend thousands of dollars a year achieving this look we would be called shallow. We have to make sure we don’t display in our medicine cabinets, the more embarrassing items in our arsenal of beauty equipment. The hair remover, the tweezers, the wrinkle smoothing cream, the wax, the teeth whitening strips, the tan enhancing lotion, the callus remover, the loofah and the cellulite cream are the dirty little secrets that most women like to try to forget they even have. Those don’t even cover surgical involvement.
I plan on getting some surgical intervention in my lifetime but NOT to my face. It freaks me out when I see how unnatural women look and even though I am starting to see age in my face I also know that I stay out of the sun, wear SPF 55, don’t smoke, and eat all my veggies. I would like to see what a life of good living does to my face, thanks. I guess we all just draw our own lines in the sand. How can I be ok with waxing my unibrow but not be ok with someone else getting Botox? Well, I would look like a werewolf in about 72 hours if I didn’t keep on top off my hair removal so I think it is in everyone's best interest that I do. I don’t feel ashamed to admit that thanks to my southern French roots I am dangerously close to having sideburns when we are approaching a full moon. What am I going to do about it? I’m going to do what I can to stave off my body’s hirsute tendencies and focus on that. I cannot even begin to imagine what I’d be dealing with if I also started to care about my giant pores, scars, weird pinky toe, cellulite and random freckles. Yes I have cellulite and I actually don’t give a shit about it. A lot of women do care and I just think it’s a waste of time. I like cheese and I know what it will do to me. I also know that working out won’t really remove a lifetime of good food from my ass so I will just keep on keeping on.
I wish I didn’t care about the other stuff. But I also think makeup and hair are fun ways to change up your look and express yourself. I dislike the grey hair that is creeping in on me but you can’t help how you feel and I don’t want to say I never will do this or that, because the only thing I always do is say that I never want to always do anything. I don’t want to have a pattern that I stick to because as we age we change and learn more things about ourselves and I don’t want to have to explain why I flip flopped form what I said at 20. I am fairly certain I will never have a needle or a scalpel inserted into my face but it doesn’t mean that I will be OK with the marching on of time. So I guess more power to the women who wear the mask a surgeon gave them because maybe they’re being the most honest of us all by doing something to “fix” something that is bothering them.
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