“That’s What She Said”

Michael Scott and Todd Packer aside, real life sexual harassment is something that is still going under the radar, especially for the under 35 crowd.  It was our mothers who had to fight for these rights, which should be standard, so that they did not lose out on opportunities not afforded to them due to someone’s inappropriate and hurtful behavior. However, most of the women my age are surprisingly agreeable to a lot of the behavior that a decade ago would have been front page news during the Monica Lewinsky scandal.  Part of the problem is that we don’t really know what sexual harassment covers, and no one wants to be the one to point a finger.

Sexual harassment seminars at places of business are almost laughable.  Not only are they insulting to one’s intelligence but they also gloss over the major issue that is the elephant in the room, what if the person harassing you, is your boss?  A lot of people would be unwilling to call a hotline and be a whistle blower.  They would expect retribution.  Especially in our day when nothing is private and everything from Paris Hilton’s sex tapes and the Weinergate scandal on Twitter is out there for everyone to see with everyone’s business open to the public.  Women do not want to be seen as complaining to their male CEOs (nor do men but I'm not a man so I can't say how men are being affected by sexual harassment).  They want to be able to “play ball” and get along with their coworkers inside and outside of work.  The lines are easily blurred once you leave the office and head out for work related functions or just social events.  The reality is, whenever you are with your boss, he/she will be judging you.  You are not afforded the luxury of not laughing at their jokes, even if they are inappropriate.

I will be the first person to say I am inappropriate.  I swear, tell outrageous stories, and generally put my opinion out there without fear of reprisal.  I am able to do this because I do NOT do it at work.  I do not socialize with upper level team members outside of work and generally keep my personal life discussion to a minimum between 8:30 and 5pm.  I also work with pretty much all women so it is unlikely that a, “that’s what she said” joke would come up.  Frankly, a lot of the things that I read about in the news that are involved in cases of sexual harassment don’t really bother me.  But then again, it all feels very different when it is you that is involved in the harassment.  Furthermore, the point of sexual harassment laws is not that we can pick and choose what is offensive or not.  When it is offends someone, it is harassment, simple as that.  Where you take it from there is up to the individuals involved. 

It might sound like I am not outraged at what goes on in most offices in this nation.  I am, but thankfully I am not affected by it.  Due to my over analytical ways I have often wondered how the laws put into the workplace have helped women and men feel more secure at their jobs.  I have also thought a lot about what people refer to as overly politically correct behavior.  I think we all have our limits and so instead of rolling our eyes at someone it might benefit us all to keep an open mind. 

There are also the outright outrageous cases of harassment that have come into the press in the past few years.  Things that are shocking to us but 30 years ago probably happened all the time with little consequence.  Yesterday the largest sexual harassment settlement ever was given to a women who had to endure terrible treatment at the hands of her manager.  The amount - $95,000,000.  While I do find it perplexing as to how they could have come up with that amount even if they included lost wages and mental anguish.  It is more likely that they wanted to set a precedent.  This woman did report her manager and was treated poorly for coming forward.  His harassment was verbal and physical and resulted in lost opportunities and humiliation. 

Some might wonder why she didn’t just leave her job.  Victims of abuse do not always think there is a way out.  When someone has bills to pay and a family to support they start to think less of themselves and more of the larger picture at hand.  It is unlikely that she will ever see that amount of money due to caps on settlements but if you’re interested in the case you can read more here:

http://www.bnd.com/2011/06/09/1742379/jury-awards-woman-95-million-for.html

Since this does not affect me on a day to day basis I would like to say I’m more concerned with the harassment women experience every day on the street.  If a man gropes my ass in a packed train, a train I need to take every day to get to work, what do I do? It makes you feel so disgusting, like you’re not a person.  I’ve had all kinds of experiences that sometimes would bring me to tears after the fact.  I would be shocked about my reaction even but it made me feel helpless.  I imagine that is what it feels like in some small way to these women and men who have to deal with the grimy hands and lascivious words directed at them while they are just trying to do their job.

No one seems to be interested in making a rule about not cat calling.  In 2008 the T initiated a policy and ad campaign asking their riders to be more polite to each other.  First off, do we really need to be told to be polite? Maybe we do, and that is scary.  Secondly, how about you have a no dick whipping out policy, or a get your ass out of that seat so the pregnant woman can sit policy? Or a please don’t look down my shirt while I ride this sweaty packed train to work policy?

Still, where do we draw the line?  I had a guy say to me once, “the same pick up line used by a creep would be amenable to you if it came out of the mouth of a gorgeous man you were attracted to,” true.  Why is something offensive (outside of the workplace) only when we are not interested in the person?  Hell, someone may like being catcalled.  The same woman might like it one day when she is feeling all cute but the next day might be offended by it.  Someone might even consider any pick up attempt as unwarranted and harassing.   

How do we know when someone is receptive and someone isn’t?  I just think we should all try to be a little more respectful regardless of someone’s sex, gender, race, age, size, sexual orientation and keep work and social life separate, like church and state.  Heck, if you want to be a lecherous creep on Saturday have at it; just bring your game face Monday. It is hard but I think if we try, it could work.

That’s what she said.