A Friend of a Friend of a Friend

I've never had problems making friends.  I can talk paint off a wall.  I have the gift of gab and that gift has pretty much always brought me only benefits and never really left me looking for someone to hang out with.  I mean I would talk to anyone, my mum even had to pull me away from a stranger at a carnival once...though as those close to me know, that wasn't me only carnie interaction...yipes.  Anyway besides fried dough wielding individuals, I have friends in all avenues. 

When people tell me, "Oh you'll love my friend so and so."  I say to myself, "no, no I won't."  I don't want to know your friend, I know that sounds terrible but its true.  Just because I am good at making friends doesn't mean I'm always in the market for one.  I have a hard enough time keeping track of my current friendships.  Navigating through the treacherous world of social interaction can leave you with a lot of problems, especially when you don't know when to shut your pie hole.  I actually do know when to shut my mouth I just choose not to do so.  I'm compelled to tell my friends the truth, good, bad or weird.  It is hard enough to be friends with someone who insists on being so blunt and when you add tragedy and stress to that, well it can be too much.


Look there are some friends behind me...


With recent familial issues going on I've been so lucky to have friends to lean on and I've really been able to see who are my real friends, when the cards are laid out on the table.  In addition to life outside of work that I'm still grappling with, I had quite the week at work. I have never been happier to have work friends.  I am lucky to have work friends  who will encourage me to tipsy text while playing trivia in order to get over work stress.  


I'm glad I have friends to eat pancakes with when it snows, to cry with, to drink obnoxious amounts of wine  with and to be honest with.  I'd want my friends to tell me, in the nicest way possible, when I'm being an asshole and I'll do the same.  I appreciate that honesty when I need someone to throw a flag  or point out a bad call in the land of dating/singledom.  You need friends to tell you how amazing and beautiful and smart you are, "You is kind and, you is smart, you is important," aww thanks Mae Mobley.  Those things can be true but you don't need an exaggeration, you don't need friends to be feed you lines.


Brutal, necessary honesty is one thing.  Pleasantries and compliments are another.  I do not however, need or have friends who are going to tell me what I want to hear when it will cost me down the line.  If I was living like the Miss Havisham of the North End, I wouldn't want you to tell me that was "ok", if I fuck up at work I want you to say, "Yes, you fucked up but lets pick up the pieces and move on."  I'll do the same for you.  


I want to encourage my friends, I want to motivate (but not one of those motivators on The Biggest Loser because they're too taught and scary.

Tangent:  Why do they always weight them topless, or in their sports bra? Could they seriously not adjust the scales to incorporate the weight of a t-shirt?! Not cool NBC.

I'm the kind of boss that doesn't want to hear how things could be even if I like you.  I just want you to do your job to be the best you can be and I'll help you do that (I can say that because I screwed up last week and that's the imaginary conversation in my head I had with myself).  So lets be honest with each other...Yes, your butt does look big in those pants.  But who the hell is interested in hanging out with people who are putting in measurements for asses?...I sure as hell am not.  So put on your pleated, marine blue, sequined palazzo pants...rock those.  You look insane but you feel great and that's what counts.  Your friends are there to build you up, as long as we're not padding your ego.  Be honest but supportive. Be sweet but firm...this totally sounds like a bra advertisement.  

What I'm trying to say is that I'm not going to lie to you, but when I'm harsh, it doesn't mean I'm right and only you know if you're happy, 'so do you girl'! (ok now I'm off on some sort of 21st century American Girl Doll catchphrase).  So in conclusion: pants, I've got you've covered.  I'll tell you those pants are terrible but only if you ask me for the truth.  And lets be honest, how often has a big ass situation been really that critical?  Oh, has it been, did I drop the ball? Sorry about that, I'll totally be firmer next time.  In the mean time, I'm recruiting famous friends only:


Kathy Bates - Probably has amazing stories, I mean she played the Unsinkable Molly Brown in Titanic, oh and she is in P.S. I Love You, which is on repeat right now.
Mindy Kaling - is fucking hilarious and is from MA
Bonnie Hunt - Mid Westerners are funny and polite


If Bonnie, Mindy and Kathy are unavailable I'll just stick with the friends I've got ;). So thanks KTB for letting me know the hotel I wanted to stay in caters to gay men, that could have been awkward for them....not  for me, I woulda

You go Glen Coco, do you.