Ugh I hate being a bitch. I really do. I know women say that and they don't really mean it but I really try not to be. I cannot abide for someone being wrong and just insisting they're right. I think those who have true knowledge, are the same people who never think they know everything. I mean, I think I know everything but there is still a small part of me that serves as a reminder of my idiocy. I love playing devil's advocate and exploring the different sides to an argument, but I'd still prefer to end up on top.
You battle against the conventions of your parents because you know them to be wrong and outdated but then you find yourself falling for the same behaviors. This weekend I got to be a part of my best friend's wedding. She married a truly honest and good man who loves her completely. She is a smart and wonderful girl so it makes sense that they found each other. I don't ever seem to have that sensible end result. At the same time, I am never annoyed to join in that kind of celebration because I think it serves as a reminder of what is out there. I also got to have ample baby time with her 9-week old nephew and other miscellaneous kiddos.
I used to work extensively with infants but I haven't for the past 2 years. I realized that I missed the weight of a baby in my arms....I know run for the hills right? Not so much. Because even in passing thought that my mother was right and that I wanted that whole conventional life of husband and baby, I end up having a nightmare of that convention, that very night. I love babies, I love kids, I find them hilariously honest and mean in all the best ways. They seem to enjoy me in the same way. That doesn't mean I'm all babyville just yet.
I am supposed to go to Atlantic City for NYE and Barcelona in February. You can't do those things with babies. I guess the best you can hope for is good health and a partner whose time you enjoy and with whom you also enjoy a supportive relationship. My friends and I have discussed that we wished there was a decade in between 20 and 30. There are so few baby years and so not enough exploration years.
So my mum isn't 100% right and I'm not wrong but for someone as analytic as myself, I can't help but try to devise some clear route...like a factual Candy Land where each step leads to a path with an end result, good, bad or indifferent, it is what it is....or is that Chutes and Ladders? Whenever I have one of these existential crossroads where there isn't an answer, I just wish for something smaller, like more flowers, more walks, more fun. You can't really go wrong with fun right?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ynyA6qPjUpo
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