Never Nude

No, I'm not Tobias from Arrested Development.  Recently some trashy tabloids had pictures of Heidi Klum on vacation with her family, apparently Heidi didn't take my Staycation advice. Anyway, these pictures showed a topless Klum on the beach.  Apparently her children were close by during this baring of skin.  Cue mothers of the western world to become up in arms (arms clad in long sleeves I'm sure).


First of all, the Klum-Samuels are European so nudity to them is about as normal as a weekly Walmart trip for middle America.  Frankly, I find fanny packs and elastic banned leggings purchased at that discount, vapid, monopolizing, monstrosity more offensive than a little nudity but I guess to each his own?  That is just it, isn't it?  She was on her own, not asking to be secretly, and creepily, photographed.  If anyone is in the wrong here, it is the paparazzi and magazines that employ them.  This uproar and questioning of nudity, to do or not to do, in front of your children made me think.


My mum did, and still does, disrobe to her skivvies when necessary, in front of me.  I took baths with her when I was little.  No one ever told me being in the buff was something wrong.  I mean we weren't nude sunbathing, we are New Englanders.  Besides, our pale Irish skin would sizzle and I'm not sure I want to explain a coslopus burn to an ER doctor.


Sometimes I loathe living in America, a land where people are all about your business and there is no privacy. It seems that people who take the most issue with nudity are also the most pervy purveyors of these exposed citizens.  I also want to clarify that there is a difference between nudity and gratuitous sex.  I don't think people should be displaying sexually graphic images all over town.  Sure, the human form is sexual by nature but no one seems to feel the need to designate it as strictly sexual (and thus dirty and wrong, which is a whole other post) besides the Americans.


Maybe it is our puritanical roots (especially the northeast) but we are living in the 21st century, in a place and time where this very week we had a right to be topless rally.  Granted this was in California, Venice Beach to be exact, but hey it's a start.  I personally like my bra and clothes for the most part.  Something about outdoor nudity makes me feel like I left the oven on or forgot to lock the door...just unfinished.  However, I'm all for indoors nudity.  If I suddenly turn the tawny hue that is beyond my skin's natural ability and start sunbathing in my backyard, or changing and I left the shades open, and you catch a glimpse, get over it, or don't look.  If I have kids and they see my bare ass, I'm pretty sure they'll grow up just fine, and if not, that is what therapy is for.


For now I think beach nudity is the only public place that warrants a lack of clothes, and if I did see a nudey caboody strolling down Beacon I'd still call the cops....like I mentioned, I don't want people getting their wobbly bits burnt in the sun!