Ok now that we have that covered and I did my homework aka my 2nd job writing less than stellar adcopy for a prominent and amazing lifestyle deal website (sorry to my editor if I'm still not hitting the mark 100%) I can get to what has been bothering me for a while. Choices.
We all make choices. I make a choice to not go to the gym and instead drink wine and watch the second part of the Millionaire Matchmaker reunion. Whether or not that choice is good, bad, invalid, pointless is a moot discussion. It was my choice to make and the repercussions are mine alone to receive. Some people have known since they were young what choices would lead to their desired end point. Now I'm not the kind of girl who had a hope chest that I used to squirrel away magazine rip outs of wedding dresses and flatware, but I did have a dream. I think it mostly involved puppies and being famous. I'm not sure if the two had anything to do with each other though.
I had the puppy, the best dog in the whole word so at this point it doesn't seem like I should look for another jackpot. It would be selfish, some other girl needs Tuner #2 and he's out there just waiting to be hugged, he always liked a hug. I'm not so sure I want to be famous anymore.
I don't want people taking photos of me getting out of cars so they can use a digital arrow in such a way as to expertly point out my cellulite. Not really my cup of tea. After recent events I've decided I need a new plan. I've helped friends with a lot of things in their lives and they have done the same for me. More recently I have spent a lot of friend time helping with wedding plans. I love planning and I love dresses that make noises when you walk, so this pairing seams ideal.
Now that I've had a chance to breathe and reflect after the past 6-months I think those kinds of things aren't really my plan right now, not that anyone is asking me if my colors are blush and bashful [gotta love a Steel Magnolia's reference]. I need some space, like actual physical space that I can't find here. I might eventually move and carve our my own little piece of crinoline and fondant in my own way. I would hope my friends would support my choice to do that. As I've said before, I think it's hard, especially among women, to support someone straying from the set path. I've never really done anything in the way that everyone else does it though.
I'm loud, weird, and I sing to myself. Men seem to find this endearing or maybe odd but I then just flash them a smile and I'm back to being adorable. I'm not textbook pretty and I don't have any special skill sets, although who does these days. I just want to be allowed to lay the pieces that I do have out and place them together the best way I see fit. I think guys tend to understand this more than my female friends. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night with a start, I think I forgot something or I left something on. But nothing is missing or awry.
I hate that feeling. I hate feeling lost even when I'm settled. I went for a walk Saturday to clear my thoughts after a terrible evening the night before and once again I found myself by my home and the sea. It's no secret, my love for the aquarium. Just like the seals I love taking my first dive of the season underwater, and the season for me begins in early May. Cold, crisp and choppy, that is how I like my ocean. I always come out refreshed. Granted, if I jumped into the Boston Harbor today I would come out with 5 eyes, if I didn't die of hypothermia (but I mean 20 years ago I wouldn't have come out at all). Also, I'm not a limbless, squishy, whiskered sea creature (if only). My point is...I guess I'm never really lost if I can find my way home.
Maybe I need to date an aquarium dude, like head fish wrangler?
So new city? First I have to get my ducks in a row here and see what happens. I think I also might want to switch careers...news on that to come. Bottom line please don't put your restraints on me. If you're jealous, sitting in judgement, or think you know better, whatever it is, I don't want to hear it (unless I am going to jump in the Harbor). I know I'm excited for the next 60 years, we should all be able to say the same thing.
"Childhood living is easy to do
The things you wanted I bought them for you
Graceless lady, you know how I am ..."
No comments:
Post a Comment