I can be as mean as a rattlesnake sometimes. I don't try to be and I'm pretty much only mean to the people that I love. It sometimes scares me how it can just come out. I'm sorta the kind of mean where I would just like to write people off and really make them feel guilty which is ironic because with my friends, it takes a LOT for me to write them off but when dealing with my family, it is a different story. In the end, with family, you can't write them off so maybe that is why I feel like I can snap at them.
My mother and I went in town for restaurant week yesterday and had lunch at Grotto on Bowdoin street in Beacon Hill http://www.grottorestaurant.com/ . I had a delicious meal. My mum had their classic spaghetti and meatballs and she found the sauce too sagey...which I sort of agreed with. However it is nice to have change of pace with your typical tomato sauce, especially living in the North End.
Before the delicious meal we were stuck walking in the rain and my mother was having issues walking with the rain and was wearing inappropriate shoes for the weather. I tried to find a shortcut to make it quicker for her but that didn't turn out to be so. I mean if I was with my friends we would be bummed it was raining but we walk all over finding new places and if we really got soaked (which is what was happening to mum and I) we would just get a cab. Of course my life is a comedy of errors and pretty soon she was freaking out because she thought we were lost, for the record, we were on Beacon Street by the state house haha, but I shouldn't laugh because she is my mum and never lived in the city
(although typically she is good about finding her way). Anyway I was FURIOUS with her because she kept second guessing me and freaking out and when I offered to get her a cab she turned it down. I mean I get that she is older than I and doesn't traipse through the city very often and that I should have patience. But patience, is not one of my many selling points. I kind of just need to get where I am going and do what I was meaning to do.
I felt bad once we sat down and started to dry off. I didn't mean to snap at her. I know she knows that, but on top of sort of being a bitch I am also a guilt fiend and I don't know if the Catholic guilt thing is something that gets worse as we age or what, but its like a complete 180 and I want to make amends. I think when I do stress out it is because of many other things, and very rarely does it have anything to do with the person who is on the receiving end of my wrath. I didn't get any exercise yesterday and honestly that is the best way for me to get over things so after a yog today I did feel better. Plus I hate being cold and wet.
Don't get me wrong, I love being in the rain when I have no where to go and its summer and maybe sunny but I HATE being wet when I've done my hair and I'm soaked to the bone and I do have somewhere to go. I realize that just because I'm an bitchy or guilty sometimes that doesn't mean that, that is all that I am. Lately I have been feeling sort of weird about myself and confused as to my next move with work and life. I mean I would call it a quarter life crises but that would only be true if I was going to live to be 104 and I'm not entirely sure I will or I want to (besides being impatient I also am vain and don't want to get old). Maybe I should just work on being nicer and the other pieces will be fall into place.
I think Meredith Brooks' 90's lady anthem says it best..."Just when you think, you got me figured out The season's already changing..."
Ok I'm going to spend day 2 of my vacation watching a Billy The Exterminator marathon.
p.s. Received the NARS replacement blush, CoverFX is sending me one next week AND I got a check from Essie last week....FREEEBBIIEEESS
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