Sigh. So after viewing some interesting profiles I have come across a pattern. It seems many men turn to online dating only after they have had some terrible woman really fuck with their hearts. That is kind of a bummer. I mean I'm sure it is the same case with many women, but I'm not reading their profiles, sooo yeah.
There are a few key phrases that I look for when I first glance at a profile:
not deceptive
trustworthy
loyal
honest
fool around
good time
nothing serious
Now obviously if he is saying he is trustworthy, loyal and honest that is a plus. However, mostly what I am running into is something more like this, "I am looking for an honest woman, if there is one out there, that is trustworthy and will be loyal to me." That right there sets off red flags for me because I think to myself damn, he was cheated on and may have some issues getting over that. We all have issues though and I once had a friend tell me that I just needed to "get over it" and that it was "all in my head" that some men may have treated me poorly in the past. Erroneous on all accounts.
If we could just "get over it" then there wouldn't be therapy and we would all fall deeply in love and stay together forever and pigeons would shit rainbows. That isn't the real world so as an adult you have to realize that there is going to be a certain amount of baggage that is going to come with the person you want to be with. That sounds totally acceptable. In addition to the trust issues there are the guys who are clearly online in search of casual sex.
I mean how lazy can you be? If you need to go online to find someone to sleep with, you're worse off than the dudes who are actually on here looking for love. You can find any tipsy, shoe-less, classy gal on the street on a Saturday night around closing time if you want that. Trying to find someone who is actually worth dating is much harder. So I try to avoid profiles like:
"I am just on here for a good time. I don't want to rush into anything serious. I'm only 31 and still want to fool around for a while, so if this sounds good to you, hit me up"
Ok first off, you're 31, not 21...so you're kinda peaking with the whole "fool around" period of your life. A lot of these types will just have that line as their whole profile, that's it. That is all the time they spent trying to sell themselves to someone. They did of course spend a bit more time trying to describe what they want in a girl. That leads me to my next observation. Appearances aren't always what they seem.
If you're smart, and you don't want to rule the right one out I would say you're age range should be at least a 5-year window of what your own age is, in fact I think going older is better. However many men that I see online will have an age bracket of, I'm 37, looking for girls 18-30.
What the hell does an 18 year old have in common with a 37 year old? Of the hundreds of profiles I've been matched up with, less than a dozen have ever said they would be willing to date a woman more than 2-3 years older than they are. That's bonkers. Of course when they do find their 18 year old soul mate, they are going to be interested in how she looks.
Some profiles, not all, but the ones that are amusing for all the wrong reasons will have a 30ish guy say he works out 1-2 times a week, describe his body as 'average' or a 'couple extra pounds.' Their ideal mate? : "Keeping fit is something really important to me and should be important to the girl I'm after. Being active and taking care of herself are a plus." That actually is something we should all be striving for and that sounds cool with me until I put the whole picture together. They then will request a height of no less than 5feet and no taller than 2 inches less than they are. Why? What is this 2inch rule? Whether the guys is 5'6 or 6'4 they never want a girl to be taller or as tall as they are. The same guy who describes himself as having a couple extra pounds and is 5'7 will be looking for a girl who is 5'4 with a body type of "slender OR athletic or toned"
Ok here is the thing. When you're 5'4 an extra 5lbs can really take their toll. And are you really saying that you would not be interested in someone who also describes themselves as about average?
I get having types. I mean if I had to narrow it down...oh wait I did have to...well I said 5'6-6'6 any body type (minus slender, mostly b/c the word creeps me out) 25-40, any eye or hair color (or bald) non smoker....wow I'm so demanding.
In conclusion, this whole word of internet dating has thrown me for a loop. Yes, I know I am reading into what people are saying...well that's my job, analyzing what people are saying and doing. Furthermore, we all do that, we all pick apart what others do and say. It is only an issue when you let that breakdown really prevent you from opening up and say dating someone who has spelling mistakes in their profile, or a girl who is taller than you are. I haven't been able to overlook the grammar issues yet but I'm working towards that goal.
What I want is for a guy to genuinely ask me out, on a real date, and talk about real things. I'm not stupid, I get that physical attraction is hugely important in a relationship but then lets be honest about it. Id like a profile to read: average body type, sweet disposition, likes keeping active and watching bad t.v., loves animals and irony, and hates antiques but owns the entire Thunder Cats series on VHS....that would be intriguing and honest and make me laugh. What if when people flirted with you in real life they had to have a little blurb to say before you started talking...it would be interesting and maybe save you some time. But in the end the wrong turns and the missteps are what make finding the right one all the more fun. Thankfully for me, I'm super attractive, hilarious, kind...... and humble, so I have this in the bag!
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