Table of One

Threesomes have recently been brought up in conversation with a friend and while most of my friends would never consider one it got me thinking about pairs, triplets, monogamy and monotony.  Originally I was going to discuss the actual ménage trios but the fact is it makes me feel ick.  Much like being the third wheel on a bite out to eat; no one likes being in a group of three because someone is always going to lose out.  Look at roller coasters, popsicles (the double kind that are also amazing btw) ferris wheels, motorcycles... well lots of moving things, you know what I mean.  I’ve been approached with this “opportunity” before and I am slightly offended.   

                                                        

What do I look like?  Some 1970’s bored housewife at a key party?  If you’re both in on having some Studio 54, Andy Warhol, sexual allegory then you’re probably making a mistake. Jussayin’.  Yes there are people who will say, “well I did it and it was super fun.”  However, the reality is people are using that kind of awkward encounter as a last ditch attempt to save a dying relationship.  Someone always ends up being left out and feelings will be hurt. 

A couple of my friends are monogamous for life.  They have never cheated with anyone nor have they been cheated on.  I have other friends who have been the cheater and far fewer who have actually been cheated on.  Regardless, it makes for a suck-fest of a situation.  Why don’t people end it and just accept defeat? Instead people reach for the band aid of a dog, a kid, an engagement… or a 3-some apparently.

Can people truly be happily monogamous?  If I like someone enough then yes I don’t seek out someone new.  To flirt is perfectly natural and healthy and if the person you’re with doesn’t think so, well then they’re lacking in confidence and are immature.  To blatantly, rudely hit on someone in front of your significant other is equally immature.  But who doesn’t like to feel like they’ve still got “it” and are interesting, attractive, and valid?  But that is where it should end.

Some other friends have questioned whether they can truly be with one person for the rest of their lives.  If not, would they end up the proverbial ‘alone.’  I don’t think fear of being alone should make anyone force themselves to commit to something that feels unnatural.  Like the ill, short lived mid 2000’s jersey knit  gaucho pants.  Completely unnatural, a freak of nature but who here hasn’t thrown them on in the past, hung over, heading to Walgreens, perhaps.  Try something on, see if it fits, if it doesn’t take it off and toss it in the garbage… the pants I mean.

A relationship that doesn’t work because it doesn’t feel right doesn’t have to be thrown away.  Take it as a learning experience.  Chances are, you’re probably not going to end up Miss Havisham.  You’ll find something that fits you; something tailored… hopefully not a pants suit (no judgment).  But if you don’t, and you realize you cannot be with one person, well then be honest about it, avoid hurting yourself and others and have a blast.  You’ll be the old lady in the nursing home with good stories.  Stories that don’t involve pudding, dislike of loud noises or start with, “kids these days.”