Follow the Bouncing Ball

I am a ball of nerves, of stress, of energy.  Why is the expression a ball?  It should be a cube because that is 3 dimensional and comes complete with pointy corners that can hurt.

I have been radio silent because of a multitude of issues both work and personal.  I realize that I give too much and have stopped expecting anything in return, and that is more my fault than any recipient of my giving.  Stopping the expectation of good will gestures to be returned in kind, now that is the main issue.  That devalues me and my effort.

I don't think I have ever been this anxious.  I literally had to shut off my AC, turn off my radio, and roll up all the windows in the car, and take my seatbelt off this morning.  I couldn't handle feeling trapped or even the noise.  So that is a new hell.

There are some major life change things that I am working on and hopefully those, combined with some actual sleep (thanks to mr. melatonin) will bring me back to a more centered, functioning space.  I am so over bullshit.  What is this bullshit I speak of?  Well here are just a few examples:

• People jumping down your throat and berating you without thought of feelings
• Self-centeredness 
• Judgement

What to do?  Care less, cut off contact from people who drive me insane, focus on myself.  Sure, those all seem like logical things to do.  While I cannot change how I feel, I can change how I react. I think now at 30 I am just realizing that power really has to do with the reaction not the action.

So for example, this reaction is probably not the best idea:

Like this adorable dog, I just go with my first reaction, and I probably should be a bit nicer to myself and just assess the situation before I react. First, identify if it is a real issue or if I can just let some things go unnoticed.  Which for those of you who actually know me, I am not good at that... at all.

Well that's all I have for now on the subject of my anxiety and annoyance, HAPPY MONDAY!

Stay tuned for updates on Block Island, Mexico, ROBBED - a true story, and online dating X3.

Remember even though you feel like this sometimes:

You can't do this:

You need to try and do this:

Let me know how it goes...



gifs/memes from What Should We Call Me and https://www.pinterest.com/jasomania/zero-fucks/