I’m afraid of some random things. I’m afraid of getting poked in the eye. I’m afraid of/hate space (as in the final frontier not the area around me)…but one of my most irrational fears has proven in recent weeks not to be so irrational…someone stealing my hair.
People, as in more than one, have reached out to touch my hair before. Complete strangers, compelled to touch my hair. Not only do I find this gross but since I got in trouble in kindergarten after some kid was playing with my hair and another bitch put gum in my hair when I was 11 on the school bus...I’ve had a thing where I don’t really take pleasure in people assaulting the hairs on my head.
Furthermore, it has only fueled the irrationality in my brain that has caused me to ponder if a stranger might just take a pair of scissors out of his/her pocked and lop off my pony tail. Why would they do this you ask? I don’t know! Why would the checkout lady at Trade Joes hold up the line to reach across her register to grab a handful!? So I sometimes think that people might be eyeballing me on the T and I know this sounds crazy.
But think of the crazy things people do on the train. They eat Thai food, they clip their finger nails, they make out like bandits, hell I saw a video of a dude last week licking the sole of his shoe on the train in NYC! So it is not beyond comprehension that some sicko might take time out from his busy ,subway, dick whipping- out schedule to also cut himself some of my hair to make some sort of voodoo doll….or a weave.
However, in the past month I have realized that not only is this not such an irrational fear but also it isn’t the weirdo in the trench coat talking to himself about Jesus and shoelaces but the more likely culprit in this hair swindling endeavor would actually be a woman! After I started seeing these stories:
I guess this makes sense actually. Either wig suppliers or just the average woman on the street might feel obliged to steal hair, then sell it on the black market like cheap Viagra to middle aged, middle America. What motive could the average woman have for taking part in this? It is pretty simple, bitches be crazy.
Seriously I will be the first to admit women are insane. We spend countless hours and dollars on trying to improve our look and in reality we are doing it for other women not men. Men don’t really care what kind of shoes we have on and wouldn’t notice the highlights in your hair unless they were visible during a well lit session of baby making.It isn’t just thefts from stores/salons.
This morning I saw this story: http://gawker.com/5804401/womans-hair-stolen-at-bus-stop
Seriously? I have to worry about waiting at the bus stop? Well good thing I don’t take the bus. I do however take the T and this just cements my fears that some psycho is going to decide she wants a new summer look and will take a few chunks out of my hair. I’ve donated my hair to Locks of Love before and am all for donation. If you can make some sort of case of why you need my hair, I might consider it. Mostly though, I think women are insane about their appearance and trying to attain some high, nonexistent, unattainable idea of what beauty is. Check out Chris Rock’s documentary, Good Hair.
Granted different cultures, families, individuals have a singular sense of what beauty is. Whether it is the Padaung, Burmese women who lengthen their necks with a series of metal rings or the little American girl who wants straight, blond hair (like I did)…we are all looking for the other. We imagine that if we had this look or that look, that somehow we would then be beautiful. If you think that way, can you can ever truly feel beautiful? I’m not ever going to be taller than 5’4 and a half (don’t forget the half!), I’m never going to have the body of Charlize Theron, or a face like Aishwarya Rai but maybe I’m not motivated, or crazy enough, to go to extremes to get those attributes either. We can always be working to improve ourselves. I just wish more people would spend that time working on their interior and not their exterior (at least then our heads would be safe). I’ll be the first to admit that I love beautiful things, but I also find many things beautiful that others might not. Maybe it is too much to ask people to stop seeking out perfection (whatever that is) and instead ask humanity just be open to expanding their definition of beauty beyond one definition, so it can include all.
In the meantime I’m just going to work on keeping my hair on my head lest I end up bald…I need my hair for the cold Boston winters, thanks.
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