I love dogs
I love clean sheets
I hate brunch
Don't get me wrong, I love daytime drinking, I mean come on that is the ultimate... I mean daytime OUTDOOR drinking! Just hit me over the head with last night's clutch, you twisted my arm lets go! But I have never been a fan of $18 eggs Benedict and greasy french toast that makes have to yarf before I get home. Alli knows I can pull off a lot of typically not so sexy looks. Beach sexy, I got it. But morning after a night out... yipes I look like a hot mess and it is barely legal for me to be out in public, plus possibly still drunk from the night before as our epic Bridesmaids viewing debacle showed to witnesses on Tremont street at 2pm on a Sunday.
So suffice it to say, it is best for everyone involved to keep me out of the public eye until I've had about 2 G2s and a SF Red Bull (still don't drink coffee). I cannot handle my liquor like I used to and really prefer epic marathons of Always Sunny to actual human interaction and cloth napkins on my Sunday mornings please and thank you. However, many of my friends do love brunch and surprisingly do not care that I resemble Helena Bonham Carter some mornings while simultaneously spouting Courtney Love level gibberish and speaking a mile a minute like a West Virginian meth head (paints a pretty picture, no?). I have never been one of those people who sleeps til 3 and has pounding headaches as a hangover, I typically just like to be really, really still. I'll delete some texts from the previous night and eat rolls from Bertuccis, that is how I roll (get it). When I do have to leave the cocoon of my lair I do so with some trepidation because unlike the civilized world I wish existed in the city, not all people are like me. Not all brunch goers are slightly hung over, legging clad, disastrous under 40's. Unfortunately, some people think it is kosher to bring along their children to fancy brunch.
Look, maybe you're reminiscing. Maybe that bubbling brook of a child is the result of some night spend at Gypsy Bar (good luck with that) and maybe he is sweet and God's gift to children everywhere, but I like to drink my $7 juice and eat my dry toast in peace. What if I wanted to bring that crazy Argentinian I met last night who dared me to a dance off and we decided to tell uproariously loud stories in broken English (the bad English being mine)? Well that would be downright rude. I love me some kiddies, I practically swoon at the site of little Ralph Lauren clad piglets that cross my path to and from work, but there is a time and place for everything.
Of course I love to play devil's advocate (and also watch the movie, which makes me a legal expert) so I would agree with you parents who say that you have a right to bring your seemingly well behaved children out in public and I would agree. In fact I am sure they are probably better behaved, for the most part, than I am. Not counting those irritatingly obnoxious (read ass face parenting) kids at Cafe Nuovo during my last brunch outing with Katy. Y-I-P-E-S but kids aren't the only roadblock to me enjoying brunch, there is also the brunch part of brunch.
I love food. I love food in the late morning, I like drinking mid morning and eating while pretending that I am a functioning member of society... but I HATE brunch food. I don't want walnut covered, cream cheesed stuffed french toast with cinnamon sprinkled almond butter on the side. If I was going to eat french toast I would drive my ass up to Manchester, NH and visit the now defunct IHOP, get served cream laden hot cocoa from a mustachioed waitress with pure good old Vermont syrup on my wonder bread French toast... that is the American... errr "French" way! I mean I'll over pay for many things but egg infused white bread, no thanks. Plus there is the issue that almost all sugary, greasy, or buttery breakfast food makes me ill.
I know this is mostly my problem and I'm missing out on your bacon worshiping and hash brown coveting ways, but I can't change my stomach. So overpaying for oatmeal and toast isn't exactly fun, even if there is a screw driver involved (gotta get that vitamin c). So I instead opt for lunch food.
It is a free country right!? I can order lunch food if it is on the menu, I mean for God's sake it does make up the majority of the bastardized meal's name! Then I start to think well, a mimosa, bloody mary or a screw driver don't really compliment my turkey club (sans bacon and mayo of course) so I'm going to get a beer... and then I realize while you're all having brunch, I'm having lunch.
I just pulled a fast one on myself and my fell brunch goers. I am attempting round 2 perhaps this weekend with Liz and Alli. Maybe things will turn around for me? But if I can help it I will turn some more people my way and we can spend Sunday Funday the way God intended, sitting on a boat* drinking and burning my pale Irish skin.
*people who like lunch and have a boat, please call me.
No comments:
Post a Comment