Made in Chelsea.... aka Made in Hilarity

                                                            

I willingly admit that I jumped onto the British t.v. bandwagon.  Ive been a fan since the completely inappropriate AbFab of 90’s fame.  Honestly, I don’t know what Saffy’s issue was, I would have loved Eddie for a mom! (google it, I'm not here to be your encyclopedia) Anyway...

The U.S. has routinely copied anything remotely worth watching from British television.  Sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse as deriding television viewers everywhere let it be known.  In this case the Brits took some absolutely terrible, and obvi addictive, a series from the MTV lineup, added oodles more money, a horse tranquilizer and removed dental beauty from the equation…Imagine The Hills on a Sunday afternoon, after being inbred for 200 years.

There you have it.  A terrific way to spend my Thanksgiving weekend.  First I need to describe Chelsea.  Now if you are thinking Chelsea, MA…. Keep walking. Chelsea UK is the fine, bone china  place setting in the royal ascot, hat wearing, horse riding, royal connection that is London.  You're not invited.  I don’t know you reader, but I can without question tell you that if you step foot in their boring clubs or pretentious teas you will surely be ridiculed.  For a people who pride themselves on manners they certainly are rude to each other as well as those not in their circle.  Not that I even get why they put such a weight in their breeding when they contribute nothing to the expansion of their family name and instead spend their hours shopping for large, shoulder padded blazers.

True, many of their clothes are just to die for.  And really the Chelsea crew doesn’t need respect for them or for their family.  They have chilled Rose wine instead. I will say one thing, these bitches can drink.  They never really get drunk though, but I can attribute that to their generally slow moving state. I am not entirely convinced they're not sloths in fine wool pants.  Although sloths would have better hair.

Now, the men have nice styles in general, hair, appearance, clothes its all pretty good.  But the girls. Oh boy, I know money cannot buy you class, according to Countess LuAnn, but apparently it also cannot buy you a hair dryer.  The whole lot of them need a deep conditioner and a comb.  Its really rather painful to watch.  Spending so much time on their tans and clothes and still they cannot be bothered to get their crazed hairs out of their face.

Oh and whats with all of the beige lipstick?  I know this was filmed there  awhile ago but I'm not sure a matte, flesh, lip-tone has ever been on trend anywhere besides a Helmut Lang runway show or lets say… a zombie. All of this is nothing when compared to the actual dialogue.

Are they trying to make it look real? I'm not sure.  I mean it is filmed in a remarkably similar method to The Hills so one would assume they're trying to make it “real” but it is so staged it kinda takes the fun out of it.  Plus they don’t have the steam to really back this as some kind of docudrama.

The characters speak in posh accents sure.  However their rate of speech borders on the head injury level.  Maybe this is why they lost the Revolution?  They couldn’t spit it out. I waver from wanting to slap them all in the face to watching intently while they interweave their “lives” and “loves.”  If you're looking for action, you’re better off watching Extreme Cougar on TLC… yes it is a show, and yes I watched 10minutes of it with mum this weekend.  Those ladies get around, its admirable…. Yet gross, a man or woman 40 years or more older than their partner is not palatable in my book.  Oh yes I keep a book of possible hookup scenarios…anyway yeah, no one is getting any on this show.  I hear them say 'fancy' and 'fit' and such a lot but no one seems to be making a move, or maybe it just takes several episodes for that to happen while they meander at their glacial pace.

The baldfaced fact is that of the cast just 2 would ever be but on t.v. in the US.  The two I have in mind are not particularly good at anything but they're attractive and have good teeth.  Yes the Americans have an unnatural attraction to chompers but why spend money on Jimmy Choo rainboots and now you have no monies left over to fix a mouth full of snaggle teeth. I like a little character, a little Jewel or Adrien Brody…but a mouthful of character? I don’t know.  I think really gnarly teeth only make me think they're not taking care of themselves.  That reminds me, I need a teeth cleaning.

In conclusion, I'm obviously DVR’ing every single episode and you should too.