Oh so we're doing that are we?

So I've been dating up a storm lately.  Literally. Like Sandy quality dating... too soon?
Anyway, while most of it has been good. Some of it has been laughable.  I also turned 28.  And among other things, like I'm too old for 80% of the shit I pull, this also signified something way more important... I'm barelling towards the age where I can no longer be considered trophy wife material.

How the hell can I become a Real Housewife without the wife part, and obviously the house portion as well. I'm not helping myself either but going out with people who are worse off finanancially than I am.  But divorce will do that to you.  If you are dating men in their 30s, chances are their lucky ex-wives got to them first and scooped up their monies. Sneaky bitches.  And so therefore, they have other, more important expenses than your fancy cocktails and gliterry hello kitty leashes for the dog you dont have but want...

Anyway.

In the grand scheme of things it truly would not matter to me what you have in the bank as long as you at least feign some chivalry in the beginning and are smart with your monies, however little they may be.

Which brings me to exhibit A:

Making me foot half the bill for our first date when you ordered $25 (a piece) beers is not cool... yeah that happened.

Look, my financial situation, until I get a banging new job, is best described in the following gif:

But that does not mean I rely on people to do things for me.  Sure, its nice sometimes, but it isn't really about the money, it's the gesture.  I have no problem paying for things going forward, or going splitsies but if YOU ask me out... well then take me out.  Ugh its frustrating. But I'm giving it another go despite my better judgement and by that I mean my friends and coworkers.  I just feel like, not having enough $ to take a girl on one date is the equivalent to taping posters to your wall and sleeping on a futon... no offense to anyone.  I mean hell I live at home, but my bedroom and bathroom are fucking adorbs soooo yeah.

Oh and he got disasterously drunk as well, nervous he told me.  Had I not been sober it would have been quite amusing but I just feel that at 30 you should know better.  I mean I don't know better, but I am 28 so I still have a couple years.

One of my other friends gives every guy she dates at least 2 dates because first ones can in fact be traumatizing.  I get that... so moving onward and upward as I always say.  

I have some other dating updates but I'm also on full job hunt so if you know of something you might think would fit my skillset (minimal) and personality (inappropriate) I'd be happy to send my resume along.  My ideal job would pay me oodles of money to wax poetically and snarkily about other people's lives and behavior, and I want to wear leggings or jeans every day, and I want to be able to drink in the afternoon if it strikes me or better yet, as part of the job.

Remit postings for said jobs in the comments section.