If This Were A Romantic Comedy…

I went out on a Saturday night for the first time in about 4 months.  It was pretty exciting.  I got half dressed.  Well I was completely covered but the thing is… I showered, shaved, did my hair, makeup and then got a cute top on.  All the while I had leggings and flip flops on while I undertook this ritual… well not for the showering bit, for that I was in the nude… scandalous.  So I get my top on and then I sort of thought, well I am ever so comfortable, well I didn't think exactly that because my interior monologue doesn't have an odd British child’s way of saying things, but you get the drift.  SO I just decided to say in said leggings and flip flops.  It was, from the waist down,  sort of a mullet of clothing one might say. 

I’m not really defending myself.  I think it’s terrible.  Besides my wonderful posterior, I really have no redeeming argument for wearing leggings, at 28, at a very nice bar.  Except for that it was either stay short and comfortable, frolicking heel-less throughout Davis Square, or wear nice bottoms that are not the most comfy and heels that I would start complaining about within 2 hours.  SO there’s that, but that wasn’t really my point…

Ok so the first part of this post is really pointless.  Let’s pretend that it lays the foundation with some colorful commentary for the real point at hand: my continuing insane, ridiculous dating life which has been on hold since May.  So the point I guess, is that I think I may have been entertaining the idea that things might just work out in some laughable way that makes little sense, but is for the best in the end.  But think about it.  When does the exact opposite of what should, or is likely to happen, happens and then is in fact the reality that should have existed this whole time?  Never, never ever.  Because this only happens in the movies where Hugh Grant plays a perpetual 37 year old bachelor struggling to gain a grasp on commitment and responsibility and then realizes at the most inopportune time that he is in fact in love with some daft cow (again British here) and runs to tell her how he feels.

The harsh, bad lighting reality of life is that Hugh Grant is in fact in his 50s and siring half Asian babies with a woman he isn’t actually with, and that his actual persona is not at all dissimilar from the limp haired fool he plays in the movies.  That’s the bitch of it all isn’t it?  Even the fucking actors in the orm coms can’t get the romantic, last ditch, light bulb moment, realization type love in their real lives.  They’re at home eating bad Thai food and watching re-runs of Friends too!

I was talking with my friend Alli, joking about things as we do and I may take things farther than they need be taken, and I said we shouldn’t joke about any scenario because what if that scenario happens, because if life were some Nicholas Sparks romantic love fest, I would be in a completely different situation.  I would also be some chick with small town roots trying to out run my past but end up running into the arms of the man I never expected find… I just literally bull shitted that but how many people would eat that up?

However, I am not some small town girl, and I’m not looking for someone’s arms to run into, mostly because I find that premise a little paternalistic and thus kind of creepy, but it would be nice to have a little more romance in the comedy that is my life.  I do believe that everything happens for a reason, but I am oblivious and would need Channing Tatum or Ryan Gosling to throw down first, because as we know, I cannot take a hint.  Plus I also feel like I would need a lot less subtle Danny Elfman musical vignettes to bring the underlying feelings to the surface if Ryan Gosling was all, “Hey girl” to me.

I also cannot attempt any bad Match.com dates.  I just want to eat sharp cheddar, drink dry Rose, go for walks in the woods, talk to dogs, and have some guy to debrief all of that with.  Not really much to ask for.  Also, instead musing it up here, I should be working now.  I always feel like I should be working because there is so much to do and it’s exciting and scary sometimes and really cool in general, but I need someone to distract me from it occasionally.  In return, I will bake you cookies and tell you where the Ark of the Covenant is so we could bond over an Indiana Jones’ style adventure… pretty sweet right!?

Anyway, Josephine and I are going to sign off for the night but we are going to make more of an effort when it comes to personal life type things because life isn’t a romantic comedy… and I am really not that confident when it comes to Josie’s ability to fight off a pack of hungry cats from eating me alive in my spinsterhood.  #rationalfears