I want to preface this with, I love my job. I love feeling needed and integral and having responsible and all that jazz. However, I swear to God, 2 minutes ago I was 25 and now I'm going to be 30... in 10.5 months, but still. I feel like the past 2 years have gone by in a breath and the person I was got lost in the drama of a job search and the first 10 months of a new career. I had to learn how to do so many things differently and learn some things that were completely foreign to me. Somewhere along the past 18 months or so, I lost who I was when trying to find who the new me is.
Sounds confusing right, well it is! I love Pinterest, but I do it for work now so I never do it for myself anymore. I love writing, but I get to do a lot of it for work, so I don't do it anymore. I love being social, but I'm social and talk to people via email, phone, in person, alllll. day. long. so when I come home I just want to be silent.
I need to make time for me. I also need to learn that some of the ways I lived before are not going to work now because I do have a job I love that requires my focus. I need to be less lazy in my personal life so that I don't end up being my own worst enemy, not to mention what if I choke on a Triscuit and Josie eats my body.
I don't go out enough so I don't meet new people, not just gentleman callers, but people, in general. I spend so many hours with my coworkers, and I love them, but then I go home and see mum and Josie. I need to interact with people other than the sometimes overly needy community that I work with and my coworkers. I need to disengage and re-engage.
With guys, I used to wait around for men to ask me out because I could never tell if a guy was interested, note to men of the world, if you want to ask me out, ask me out, because I am probably oblivious to you being interested. I'm probably thinking about some sort of community relations nightmare or bizarre medical condition. Just, ask me out - I need to get out!
Dani needs to have a good time, get her shit together but also lose herself in the moment. I used to be someone, a flash, a light, I had an aura. I swear I lived! Like really lived, did things, traveled places, met people. It was grand and unbelievable. I grew up. I'm still a hot mess, but with less stories.
I know things change, and that's cool, but there are some things I am not willing to give up. Experiences mean more to me than anything else. There have been times when people I were with, travelling, just out and about, wherever, who were unable to see the forest through the trees. I feel sad for them, to not be able to live in the moment, to not smell, hear, breathe, touch those elements that make up that experience. I want to relive all those moments, good, bad scary, lovely and make new ones. So for now, I'm going to push myself and make my own memories, vivid and robust so I don't become a memory. I'm 29, not 99.
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